How to Talk to Your Teenage Daughter About Acne

Teenage girls are known for their mood swings that can feel like an emotional rollercoaster for them and their parents. In the midst of this pubescent nightmare, your young daughter has moderate to severe acne which could be dragging her self-confidence down to an all-time low.
She may find comfort online by watching Dr. Pimple Popper and getting acne advice on YouTube. After watching hundreds of makeup videos, her makeup case turns into a suitcase. She won’t leave the house without a full face of makeup and contouring. With all this caked on makeup, she appears as if she is in her twenties and you wonder if she’ll start attracting the wrong kind of attention.
What is a mother to do? How can you help your daughter without making her feel more insecure?
Here are my tips to help ease the conflict.
Have an open line of communication with your daughter
Approach the conversation without judgment and with a willingness to help. Make sure you start the conversation when both of you are calm and willing to talk and listen. Start with open ended questions like:

  • How does your skin make you feel?
  • How do you feel about yourself without makeup on?
  • How can I help you with this?

Discuss what she knows about acne and treatment options
Discuss what she has seen on social media and discuss her online findings.
Does she feel that these methods are reliable and safe? Make sure she understands that you are not there to judge, just to understand and support.
Give your daughter alternative recommendations to consider
Some suggestions you can make to your daughter:

  1. Better skin care without the harsh chemicals that over dry her skin
  2. Facials with extractions performed by a medical esthetician
  3. Salicylic Acid peels performed by a medical esthetician

You can also check out the tips I shared recently on WJXT:

Last but not least, be sure that your daughter knows that she is beautiful with or without acne and with or without makeup.  Make sure she understands that improving her acne is a goal that you can work on together so she can eventually use makeup to enhance her beauty instead of using it to cover her acne.
Looking for new products for your teen? My Avanti Rx products are perfect for both teenage girls and boys. 

Women Need to be Better Caretakers – Of Themselves

Women everywhere suffer from the idea that they should deplete themselves of energy, creativity and their individuality just because they are someone’s mother, wife or daughter. This has been ingrained in our minds as the expectation. We become the martyr and the eternal caretakers. It doesn’t surprise me as the younger generation of women see this, they decide they do not want this from life and many just decide they don’t want children. On a regular basis I hear that women are exhausted. They work full time, take care of the house, kids, and drive all over creation to sporting events. However, many of these women even earn more than their spouses. Yet somehow, their husbands seem to have time for leisurely activities- sports outings, fishing, golf, etc. Women on the other hand, feel emotionally and physically depleted, making time to enjoy leisurely activities rare.   
In our parents generation, the situation was very different. Most families had one working member and usually the woman did not work. These days women have a significant financial role in the family and in the workplace. I wonder why the household duties are not more equally divided in most homes.    
It seems most men been raised to believe a woman should do all the other chores involved in running a household.  A man should know how to cook a meal and throw in a load of laundry and even clean the house. As mothers, It is our responsibility to train our sons how to do these required tasks just in case they marry a woman with a career. They certainly shouldn’t expect to sit around and get taken care of. At a young age, my sons started doing laundry, helping with dishes and making their own lunches.  These chores have taught them responsibility and helped them become independent.  
A family is an entity where all involved members should contribute the goals of the family and the happiness of each member. Children shouldn’t be raised to believe that their happiness is more important than the rest of the family members’. I love my sons just as much as the mother who washes their clothes, makes their lunches and takes care of their every need.  But, I feel it is my responsibility to raise independent children who know how to contribute to society and their families.  They will be better husbands and be more aware of the needs of the family, not just their own.  

Pushing Your Kids Away?

We all love our children and want to spend time with them, even when they are grown and have families of their own.  Over the years, I have heard many stories from patients, friends and acquaintances explaining why they don’t want to visit their parents.  I hope to refer back to this blog in my later years to help me avoid the mistakes others have made.  If you want to spend more time with your adult children, but they are always too busy, these the three common reasons why.

You force them to come visit or you lay a guilt trip on them when they don’t visit.  Now that your children are grown, they are independent and want to make their own decisions about who they see and when they see them.  If you don’t rank high on their “fun” list, you will be pushed down to the obligatory visit once a year.  However, this may not  be the case if you have an adult child who is still dependent on you financially.  They come visit more often to ensure the gravy train will keep flowing.

You offer plenty of unsolicited advice.  A recent poll asking “Do you generally like unsolicited  advice?” 56% responded no!  We respond negatively to unsolicited advice because it is considered an assertion of dominance, distrust or criticism.  Children of all ages resist control from their parents.  It is the natural order of things.

Acting as if you are infallible and perfect.  Some parents treat their children as peers to compete against. They constantly tell tales of their abilities, their accomplishments, their physical fitness at an older age.  I guarantee your children do not want to hear how amazing and perfect you are.  Children want to love their parents, but not for their accomplishments.  

My Kids Deserve The Very Best

This generation of parents is very different from those I remember when I was growing up.  A generation ago, parents were not a child’s friend.  Children showed respect for their elders.  If a child disagreed with his/her parents, they did so quietly and there was no negotiation.  Arguing would only lead to more unfavorable consequences.  However, these days, parents focus more on befriending their children than being an authority figure and leading by example.
 
Today’s parents have quite a different mindset.  “Money is no object when it comes to my children” or “You deserve the very best” – in other words, my children will have the best of everything whether we can afford it or not.  A generation, ago parents would clearly state, “I am sorry but we simply cannot afford that”.  When a child hears this, they learn that they cannot be self-centered.  They are forced to understand the reality that money is not limitless and that they are not the only person in the family.  
 
When I was younger and needed money, I got jobs mopping floors and serving ice cream.  It was the only job I could get at the age of fourteen that was close enough that my parents to drive me.  Both of my parents worked and there was never a parent available full time, ready to cater to my every need.  Interestingly enough, I was not the only person in this situation.  Even my friends had this “issue” and were working for their money.  My children’s friends get fifty dollars a week as spending money from their parents.  I find this rather astonishing.  It makes me question – What are we teaching our children if we give them the latest iPhones, gaming consoles, and cars?   It teaches them entitlement rather than the discipline to work hard in order to acquire the things they want.  Instead of telling children that they “deserve the very best”, teach them that they deserve only what they can earn for themselves, by forcing them to work for and save for the things they want.